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Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Namoro Obsessivo-Compulsivo

- Ai, amor, que montanha de louça. Você lava?

- Humrum...

(...)

- Vai lavar?

- Humrum.

(...)

- Não, agora. Você lava agora?

- Agora não.

(...)

- Quando?

- Daqui a pouco. Você vai precisar de algo que tá aí sujo?

Barulho de louça sendo lavada.

- Mas eu disse que lavava.

- Só quero se for agora.

(...)

- Ai, agora eu não vou não.

Em uma de minhas inúmeras visitas à nutricionista, ela me fez uma pergunta interessante: o que eu gosto de comer, o que eu tolero comer e o que eu não como de jeito nenhum.

Cheguei à conclusão, enfim, que o relacionamento, no frigir dos ovos, é isso: as manias do outro que você gosta, as que você tolera e aquelas que não aceita de jeito nenhum.

Mas aí a gente chega a um terreno bem complicado, um verdadeiro pântano minado entre Israel e a Palestina onde um resmungo corresponde a uma verdadeira declaração de guerra frente à questão. Aceitar as manias do outro ou abrir mão de toda a trégua e partir pra briga em nome da suas próprias?

Existe um meio-termo aí?

E se não existir, vocês me perguntam, caríssimos, caríssimas, e transgêneros: eu vou fazer o quê? Matar com requintes de crueldade?

Não, querido(a)s, educar!

Educar o respectivo? Também! Mas acima de tudo primeiro educar você. Porque, já que o rapaz não muda assim de cara, alguém precisa ser o adulto desta relação!

(Desculpa, não resisti...Huhaua)

E daí que ele quer os talheres de cores iguais e a toalhinha de rosto alinhada com o azulejo? E daí que, mesmo sem comer dentro da pia, ele não sabe tomar café estando a louça suja?

Eu sei que na prática não faz diferença se você deu uma volta ou duas na chave, se for roubar o ladrão vai roubar de qualquer jeito! Claro, todo mundo sabe (cof..cof...) que o lugar de cortar unha é no banheiro pra não espalhar seu DNA pela casa, isso sem mencionar o xixi na tampa do vaso...

Mas, em nome da paz, e só em nome dela, quem sabe a gente no fim das contas não pode aprender truques novos (ôhn ôhn...barulho de foca feliz, viu?), tais como deixar a toalha molhada pendurada, o pote de creme de barbear sem espuma, as tampas fechadas na geladeira, as facas e bisturis sem mancha de sangue e devidamente afiados..

Ok! Fácil não deve ser, mas, é como dizia minha genitora, que trabalha há mais de vinte anos em um hospital psiquiátrico: doido, não é bom a gente contrariar não!

***

(Barulho de louça sendo lavada.)


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